Have you ever decided to open up YouTube or Instagram for a quick check-up only to sink in much more time than you wish you had? Or maybe you spent an hour in the gym and didn’t feel like you’ve made any progress? Was it just improper planning? Maybe we need to have a better schedule to our day or we just get sidetracked without knowing.
That could be part of it. But I think there’s something deeper in the way. While having a schedule is nice, that doesn’t necessarily mean you follow it. That doesn’t mean things won’t distract from it. And it certainly doesn’t mean you won’t make exceptions to your schedule.
I believe the number one factor behind this is simple: lack of intention
Our Decisions on Default
Greg McKeown is currently a well-known writer, speaker and business consultant to many top companies. But he wasn’t always like that. Back in college he had everything on his plate. He was practicing writing but also studying law school in England. He wasn’t really sure where was going and followed his dad’s advice of “leaving his options open”. It seemed like a safe bet to him.
But one day, he was visiting friends in the U.S. who mentioned he should visit should he decide to move to the U.S. This startled McKeown because of one thing he never thought about: he had the option to do that.
He decided to get out a pen and paper and write his three biggest priorities. And surprisingly, he found that being in law school was not one of them. Immediately he dropped out of law school and moved to the U.S. to obtain an MBA and pursue his current career.
What we have to realize is that even when we don’t make any choice, we are making a choice. It’s just that this choice is letting the world decide what to do. It can be huge like a career in the case of McKeown. Or it could be small like the clothes we wear, the technology we use, and what we do in our free time. When we don’t decide for ourselves, we let others default our decision for us. And that leads nowhere
It’s like showing up to a gym with no idea of what you want to get out of it. You may train different muscle groups, randomly insert cardio here and there, and change your workout rhythm repeatedly. It may feel productive, but your energy goes in random directions with little meaningful progress. It’s only when we are clear about what we want to do that become in control of our progress.
What’s It For?
One of the most viewed TED Talks online is Simon Sinek’s “How Great Leaders Inspire Action”, which I’ll link below. The message Sinek tries to send is that most people don’t act on what they do. Change is driven by a clear sense of why we do it. Without a clear understanding of that way, there is no starter for taking action.
Antonio Demaso, a neuroscientist at the University of Lisbon, studied patients with neuro-damage on the parts of their brain that involve generating emotions. While they seemed perfectly normal in conversations, there was one interesting consequence. These patients could describe every logical factor to any decision, but they could never actually make decisions. Even for something simple like what to eat, they’d keep going over their logic without arriving anywhere.
The truth is, nearly all of our decisions are based on emotions. We just don’t hold enough power to make completely rational choices. That means our facts and planning can often be meaningless. And most of all when we are in a tough spot and our instincts tell us to quit.
During uncertain brain, our amygdala loves to light up. This is the part of our brain that’s responsible for sending us in fight-or-flight mode. While it’s an ancient part of our brain used for survival, it still activates during any period of possible stress. And in those moments, it can feel like you’re trying to climb a mountain of work.
But Seth Godin talks about overcoming this “lizard brain” by asking a simple question: “What’s it for?” We can activate our emotional part of the brain by understanding the “why” that Sinek was referring to. This is that gut feeling that is hard to articulate but we know we feel. It’s the reason we find it hard to describe why we love someone. That part of the brain simply doesn’t deal with language. And it’s the biological driver of our decisions.
Our intent can get us farther than facts, logic, and plans. Because whenever we are doing something meaningful for ourselves or others, challenges arise. Without a strong emotional response, we can fall prey to numbing our anxiety and fear. But mastering our why means we control the decision-making of our brain. And that’s what pushes us to make change happen.
Facing Opportunity Cost
One of the scariest things about intent is simple: we have to say no to everything else. We define what failure means. We now define the path we are walking. It’s just easier to keep the potential of doing many things than stick to a singular
But the cost of inaction greater. I’m sure you’re familiar with the story of Peter Pan. He’s a well-known childhood hero. But one thing often misunderstood about him was his flaw: he could never settle for reality.
Jordan Peterson, a psychology professor at the University of Toronto, analyzes this issue. Peter Pan lived in Neverland. He was the leader of the Lost Boys. And the word Pan means everything. Peter Pan didn’t want to grow up because it meant he had to give up the wonders of his potential. The possibility of doing anything seemed too great to let go of.
But by not choosing a path, we end up doing nothing. We lose manifesting part of potential for the sake of keeping all of it, which is a fool’s bargain. The truth is that there is always an opportunity cost to every action we make. Even inaction. And even though it doesn’t seem like it, inaction incurs the greatest loss.
As Greg McKeown says, “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” And that someone could be your manager, your friends and family, and even things like your phone. Without making a choice as to what we want out of our time, we can be seduced by the myriad of things others offer us to do.
But creating an intention means taking responsibility for the moment. It means deciding a path and walking it. It doesn’t mean you can’t change where you’re going when you need to. It just means you are constantly going somewhere. It means instead of looking down and just letting others take you wherever they want, your eyes look forward and you lead your own way.
We have to go beyond just making a plan. Living with intention means to decide why you take each action. It doesn’t matter what we are doing. What matters is what it’s for.
